So the last post was made sometimes in January. It's nearly five months now.
Today out of sheer boredom I thought of what have I done (mostly) over the course of this 21 years and counting, or on what-ifs scenarios if I were to rewind the clock, and somewhat in between I just play along with the line. Or at least that's what I believe I did.
Confronting the past. Looking back to where I've been was never easy. I've had some pretty f'ed up childhood past, moments of glory, rough falls, and all that spices of life that in a way made me who I am today. And don't ask why, the ghost of my past never fails to make me contemplate this over and over.
I've known losses, I've tasted defeats, gained some victories, and I am still pursuing winnings. Throughout this ever changing path I've taken I've always had make some changes. On me. On who I am. On who I was. On who I am supposed to be. I guess everyone pretty much does the same, right?
But somehow over the line of thoughts, I looked back; sometimes way back, to see how much I've changed. To see how much these waves and tides had drowned me or washed me ashore, to know whether I'm changing into pearls or oysters, to acknowledge how much I have achieved over what I want to achieve, to test whether I conquered my fear of the past; or whether it conquered me, and to see how far have I run from all those that matter to me back then.
I never wanted to run away, just that I had to.
I once said in order to move forward, we have to look back. To see how far we have gone. To see how much we had accomplished. However, I do feel like taking my words back.
Because right now when I turn around, I'm not sure whether I walked out of my past. Or just hanging there on the brink with nowhere left to go.
P/S: I don't know why I'm writing crap but there's no one reading anyways. Nah, who cares